root@abofh:~#
[03:47:02] ALERT: prod-db-01 replication lag exceeding 30s
[03:47:03] INVESTIGATING: Checking write throughput and network...
[03:47:05] ROOT CAUSE: Unoptimized query from deploy #4521 causing write amplification
[03:47:06] ACTION: Killed query, added index, lag recovering. You're welcome.
[03:47:06] NOTE: git blame says this query was "optimized" last Tuesday. It wasn't.
root@abofh:~#

Your infrastructure
called. It's scared.

ABOFH is an agentic AI operator that monitors, diagnoses, and fixes your infrastructure problems autonomously. The pattern recognition of a 20-year veteran sysadmin. The personality of a legend.

Deploy Your BOFH See How It Works
<2min
Mean Time to Detect
<5min
Mean Time to Resolve
70%
Alert Noise Reduced
24/7
Coverage. No burnout.

Capabilities

Everything a senior operator does. Without the attitude. Well, with some attitude.

The Watcher

Ingests metrics, logs, and traces. Learns what 'normal' looks like for YOUR infrastructure. Detects anomalies before they become incidents.

The Fixer

Auto-remediates known issues. Restarts services, scales resources, rolls back bad deploys, rotates certs. Fix first, explain later.

The Investigator

Correlates logs, metrics, and recent changes to find root cause. Reconstructs incident timelines. Knows whose commit broke it.

The Advisor

Proactive security scanning, cost optimization, reliability improvements, and compliance drift detection. Problems found before they hit.

The Communicator

Slack integration, status page updates, stakeholder translations, and brutally honest post-incident reports.

The BOFH Personality

Configurable from 'Classic BOFH' to 'Professional' to 'Silent Operator'. Because sometimes the sass is the best part.

How ABOFH Communicates

Real messages. Real personality.

[INFO] prod-db-01 backup completed. 47GB. Someone's been hoarding data like it's the apocalypse. Consider archiving tables older than the last 3 developers who quit.
[WARNING] staging-api memory trending up. At this rate, OOM in ~8 hours. I've seen this before — it's usually that GraphQL resolver loading the entire user table. Just saying.
[CRITICAL] Database primary unreachable. Failover initiated. ETA: 90 seconds. All hands.

Pricing

Less than a junior DevOps hire. More competent than most senior ones.

Solo Operator

$99/mo
  • $1 cloud account
  • $20 hosts monitored
  • $10 auto-fix playbooks
  • $Slack notifications
  • $Classic BOFH personality

Team

$299/mo
  • $3 cloud accounts
  • $100 hosts monitored
  • $Unlimited playbooks
  • $PagerDuty integration
  • $Custom runbooks
  • $Team workspace

Enterprise

$799/mo
  • $Unlimited everything
  • $Root cause analysis engine
  • $Security scanning
  • $Compliance monitoring
  • $SLA guarantee

BOFH Ultimate

Custom
  • $On-premise deployment
  • $Multi-tenant (MSP)
  • $Custom integrations
  • $Dedicated support
  • $The full BOFH experience

sudo deploy abofh

Stop getting paged at 3am for problems an AI can fix in 30 seconds.

Deploy Your BOFH